My last blog was last July. I can't believe how quickly this year has flown by! So yeah, I graduated and started my new job. I love the people I work with and continue to learn every day. But SO MUCH has happened since last summer. Where to start....
Let's start with the great. Jeremy and I moved into our new home. We built a house in Glenpool, Oklahoma. We both love it so much. It's amazing what a little closet space will do for the spirit! Chloe the Bulldog seems to love the crap out of it too. Our friends and Jeremy's family helped us move in. In my OCD nature, I had the place decorated within the first week or so. We have a nice yard and plenty of room. Best part of the new house is the ability to use the grill that Jeremy's parents bought us as a wedding gift 4+ years ago. It's been in the box until recently. Jeremy grills out far more often that I cook, in. It's one of the best things that ever happened to this girl! Hah!
Work- Jeremy completed his alternative teaching certification and began coaching baseball at Jenks High School. He comes skipping in the front door like a giddy school girl. It warms my heart to see him so excited about work. He's hoping to land a full time teaching job for next year- please pray for that! I am still working at St Francis Heart Hospital. I am starting to cross train into pediatric echocardiography and that makes me happy! I love the babies!
I had some health issues earlier this year which led to one of the toughest decisions of my life. In February I had a hysterectomy to end the many year struggle I had with endometriosis. It had gotten out of control and made my life miserable. It was a very hard decsion and I'm still up in the air as to whether or not it was the right one. I feel 100% better physically, but emotionally I'm struggling with it. Those of you who know me, know just how much I wanted to carry Jeremy's little guy or girl. We are exploring options on how to get our hands on to a little one. Kidnapping seems unethical, but I haven't ruled it out. Moms, keep your eye on your kids - especially if he or she is FAT. I LOVE FAT BABIES.
The most impacting experience this year has been the loss of Mr Tanner M'kane Evers. My cousin was 8 years old. He battled the evil Neuroblastoma for years and years. He was a hero. He fought the good fight with courage and dignity. We lost him on the 14th of this month. I was honored to be in the room when he turned into his mama and left his little body to go be with Jesus. Tanner was ridiculously handsome, with blue eyes and long, dark eyelashes. He was funny. He loved his mom and sissy more than anything on earth. He loved and trusted Jesus in a way that many adults could learn from. He lived with strength and dignity. We miss him more than you could ever know. But the thought of him eating ice cream with grandpa and playing UNO with Sicily and Izzy makes my heart sing. I just love and miss him so much. Moms, hug your babies and count your blessings. You guys, please pray for Rebecca (Tanner's mama) and Maddie (Tanner's sissy). I can't even wrap my mind around how they're feeling. My heart hurts so bad and I'm 100% positive it's not even a drop in the bucket compared to the heaviness in their hearts. Tanner impacted lives in a way I could only dream of. I have heard countless stories of people that were changed by meeting this little man. His memorial was last weekend. There was a sea of burnt orange in the crowd to honor Tanner's beloved Texas Longhorns. It was the first and last time I stood hand in hand with my husband, both wearing burnt orange. Pastor Trey Kent and his beautiful wife, Mary Anne, told wonderful stories of Tannner and made everyone falter between laughts and tears. It was perfect. Tanner was honored in so many ways and God was given the glory. Can you image it? Rebecca lost her 8 year old boy and it was still a priority to worship and lead friends and family to Jesus at his memorial. There were 500+ people there. Many, many people accepted Jesus and confirmed one more time that Tanner M'kane made an everlasting impact on this earth. What a guy.
Things are good, otherwise. We still attend LifeChurch and love it more than you might know. Pastor Craig Groeschel delivers messages week in and week out that make me feel as if I'm the only person in the auditorium. I leave feeling like the message was delivered just for me. I am so thankful for that. God is good.
We hope to deliver exciting news about getting our paws on a baby very soon. We'll see! You'll either read it in this blog or see me on 20/20 for some kidnapping scandal. Hopefully the latter never comes to fruition.
Love you guys more than you might know. Please pray for my family that is learning how to live without Tanner.
Love, the Griffin crew - Kelli, Jeremy and Chloe the Bulldog
Friday, April 27, 2012
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Asking the sun to stand still for Tanner
Sun Stand Still. The miracle comes from a story in the book of Joshua in which Joshua is facing an entire army from Gilgal. The army is much stronger and larger than his own army. The Lord said to Joshua "Do not be afraid, I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you." Joshua fought the army throughout the day, but as the day was coming to a close he saw that there was a large battle still left ahead of him and if the night fell, he knew would not be able to complete the battle. With complete faith and abandon, this was Joshua's prayer,
"O sun, stand still over Gibeon, o moon, over thevalley of Aijalon
So the sun stood still and the moon stopped. THE SUN STOOD STILL, AND THE MOON STOPPED! The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. Joshua and his army finished and won the battle. God answers bold prayers, we just have to have enough faith to ask them.
Can we please send a united Sun Stand Still prayer up right now? My cousin,Tanner McCain Evers, is fighting a battle just as difficult as the battle Joshua faced in Gibeon. Tanner was first diagnosed with Neuroblastoma in 2006 when he was only 2 years old. NB is an aggressive, persistent cancer that has come back over and over again. Tanner fights like a champion and punches it into submission with the help of chemo, radiation, and even a stem cell harvest and transplant. He has relief for brief stents of only months. It has turned his world upside down. Tanner complains FAR less than myself, or any adult that I know would complain. He's a very tough little man.
Tanner and family went to Cooks Childrens Hospital in Ft Worth on Thursday for a round of scans. He had been having some arm and leg pain so everyone was a little on edge for this round. Before the scans even got started he got back scary test results from his urinalysis. The proteins that are tumor markers for NB had doubled since his last visit. Fears were confirmed after his MIBG results came back yesterday afternoon. Tanner has cancer along his entire spine and covering both arms and both legs. Dr Granger - his wonderful pediatric oncologist- says she doesn't know exactly how he is dealing with the pain. The cancer he has is enough to render a normal person helpless with pain. Like I said, Tanner is tough. Think about this, Tanner is so used to this that the pain in his arms and legs has become normal. That's one of the saddest realizations I've had in the past couple of days. If you read other stories, they will show history of NB returning over and over in kids. So lets pray a sun stand still prayer.
I pray that:
1.This cycle of chemo will kill every single cancer cell in Tanner's body.
2. Tanner will cease feeling pain caused by neuroblastoma.
3. Once the cancer is gone, it will never EVER return again.
4. Tanner will be completely healed and he and his family will become amazing witnesses for the power of God in our lives.
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This is a bold Sun Stand Still prayer. But I know that God made the sun stand still for Joshua. I believe with everything inside of me that God can make the sun stand still for Tanner too. Please pray bold prayers along with me.
"O sun, stand still over Gibeon, o moon, over the
So the sun stood still and the moon stopped. THE SUN STOOD STILL, AND THE MOON STOPPED! The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. Joshua and his army finished and won the battle. God answers bold prayers, we just have to have enough faith to ask them.
Can we please send a united Sun Stand Still prayer up right now? My cousin,Tanner McCain Evers, is fighting a battle just as difficult as the battle Joshua faced in Gibeon. Tanner was first diagnosed with Neuroblastoma in 2006 when he was only 2 years old. NB is an aggressive, persistent cancer that has come back over and over again. Tanner fights like a champion and punches it into submission with the help of chemo, radiation, and even a stem cell harvest and transplant. He has relief for brief stents of only months. It has turned his world upside down. Tanner complains FAR less than myself, or any adult that I know would complain. He's a very tough little man.
Tanner and family went to Cooks Childrens Hospital in Ft Worth on Thursday for a round of scans. He had been having some arm and leg pain so everyone was a little on edge for this round. Before the scans even got started he got back scary test results from his urinalysis. The proteins that are tumor markers for NB had doubled since his last visit. Fears were confirmed after his MIBG results came back yesterday afternoon. Tanner has cancer along his entire spine and covering both arms and both legs. Dr Granger - his wonderful pediatric oncologist- says she doesn't know exactly how he is dealing with the pain. The cancer he has is enough to render a normal person helpless with pain. Like I said, Tanner is tough. Think about this, Tanner is so used to this that the pain in his arms and legs has become normal. That's one of the saddest realizations I've had in the past couple of days. If you read other stories, they will show history of NB returning over and over in kids. So lets pray a sun stand still prayer.
I pray that:
1.This cycle of chemo will kill every single cancer cell in Tanner's body.
2. Tanner will cease feeling pain caused by neuroblastoma.
3. Once the cancer is gone, it will never EVER return again.
4. Tanner will be completely healed and he and his family will become amazing witnesses for the power of God in our lives.
Tanner and his big sister, Maddie
Serious about some basketball!
best picture ever taken.
Rebecca (Tanner's mama), him and maddie
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Pastor Craig, have you been reading my diary??
This has been such a fun birthday weekend. Friday was my 29th birthday. So next year I'll be 28. I'm going to count backwards from here on out - I'm clinging to my 20's for dear life! I'm not buying into the "30 is the new 20" thing. At work on Friday my coworkers brought food and decorated the department with HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLI signs. Have I mentioned that I really do love the people I work with? I laugh a lot and learn a lot everyday. Well, Friday I cried during the first exam of the day out of pure frustration. I love my job, but I have a LONG way to go before I'm really good at it! I just want to snap my fingers and be a pro. This has definitely been one of the most difficult things I've ever taken on. I'm trying to be patient. Everyone at work is very encouraging so I know I'll get there eventually. After work I met Jeremy back at home and we headed to Compadres for dinner. When we got there I was surprised to find a lot of my great friends there to celebrate my birthday with me. Jeremy is a sneaky guy. Jeremy got me a new charm for my pandora bracelet, a new bible cover, two shirts and a book that I've been wanting to read - all great gifts. On day two of birthday weekend we went to dinner and a movie with Jeremy's parents. Today I went to church and went shopping with Payton. It has just been a great weekend.
I started this whole blog to talk about our journey to parenthood. I got the idea from my dear friend Lindsi (who by the way is moving right along in her journey, she has a bun in the oven -I couldn't be more excited for her!!) It's been a rollercoaster. I go through days/weeks of confidence and calm with the process. Then I go through days/weeks of doubt and desperation. Lately, I've been on the 100 mph downhill ride of doubt. The people I confide in are very encouraging and often say "What's supposed to happen will happen." I genuinely appreciate the votes of confidence and sincere faith. But I can't quite wrap my head around it. I'm trying (really hard) to be confident. I pray every-single-day for the faith to accept this journey. Before, I prayed for the strength to accept His will, whatever it may be. Ever since I first watched the Sun Stand Still sermon, I have started to pray a much bolder prayer. I pray that God will give Jeremy and I thebaby babies we both want so badly. Every time I dig into the Bible or listen to a sermon I pray that God will somehow help me relate this to our situation. Sometimes I feel like I'm obsessing about it. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit around all day-every day obsessing about having a baby. I'm a happy, blessed girl. I am so incredibly excited about where our life is going right now. I couldn't ask for a better husband, I love my job. We have awesome family and friends. This is just a big void in our lives.
Today on the way to church I really prayed that God would speak to me about this. And he did, OH HE DID. The sermon was the last in the RE- series. This one was REmain. The whole basis of the sermon was about remaining connected to Christ.
-Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.
Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains
in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." -John 15:4-5.
I should be pretty evident why this struck a chord with me. I do understand that the scripture is referring to spiritual fruit. But it still began to feel like the sermon was written for me. Maybe God intended this to be a literal message for me, though. He's pretty crafty! Pastor Craig then proceeded to tell a story about a couple that was pretty much in the same place as Jeremy and me. He told us about their desperation and described his encounter with them. (**insert here - immediate tears**) They came to him in the lobby at church and poured out their story and asked him to pray with them. Long story short, they had a baby boy less than a year later. The words in the sermon, combined with the message of hope was just the pick-me-up I needed today. I feel like if we crave God instead of other things, the other things (or lack thereof) start to hurt less and less. He promises us blessings beyond our wildest dreams. I choose to believe that a baby will be part of our many blessings. In the mean time, I'm going to try to follow instruction:
1. Remain in God's word.
2. Remain in Christian fellowship.
3. Remain consistent in prayer.
4. Remain amazed by God's creation.
5. Remain faithful in service.
Sounds simple enough, right? I will continue to pray for the little guy(s) or gal(s) that we want in our lives.
-If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
-John 15:7
We appreciate the prayers from friends and family for us. I also pray that I will continue to be a branch that is firmly connected to the vine.
Love you guys, enjoy your week.
I started this whole blog to talk about our journey to parenthood. I got the idea from my dear friend Lindsi (who by the way is moving right along in her journey, she has a bun in the oven -I couldn't be more excited for her!!) It's been a rollercoaster. I go through days/weeks of confidence and calm with the process. Then I go through days/weeks of doubt and desperation. Lately, I've been on the 100 mph downhill ride of doubt. The people I confide in are very encouraging and often say "What's supposed to happen will happen." I genuinely appreciate the votes of confidence and sincere faith. But I can't quite wrap my head around it. I'm trying (really hard) to be confident. I pray every-single-day for the faith to accept this journey. Before, I prayed for the strength to accept His will, whatever it may be. Ever since I first watched the Sun Stand Still sermon, I have started to pray a much bolder prayer. I pray that God will give Jeremy and I the
Today on the way to church I really prayed that God would speak to me about this. And he did, OH HE DID. The sermon was the last in the RE- series. This one was REmain. The whole basis of the sermon was about remaining connected to Christ.
-Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.
Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains
in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." -John 15:4-5.
I should be pretty evident why this struck a chord with me. I do understand that the scripture is referring to spiritual fruit. But it still began to feel like the sermon was written for me. Maybe God intended this to be a literal message for me, though. He's pretty crafty! Pastor Craig then proceeded to tell a story about a couple that was pretty much in the same place as Jeremy and me. He told us about their desperation and described his encounter with them. (**insert here - immediate tears**) They came to him in the lobby at church and poured out their story and asked him to pray with them. Long story short, they had a baby boy less than a year later. The words in the sermon, combined with the message of hope was just the pick-me-up I needed today. I feel like if we crave God instead of other things, the other things (or lack thereof) start to hurt less and less. He promises us blessings beyond our wildest dreams. I choose to believe that a baby will be part of our many blessings. In the mean time, I'm going to try to follow instruction:
1. Remain in God's word.
2. Remain in Christian fellowship.
3. Remain consistent in prayer.
4. Remain amazed by God's creation.
5. Remain faithful in service.
Sounds simple enough, right? I will continue to pray for the little guy(s) or gal(s) that we want in our lives.
-If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
-John 15:7
We appreciate the prayers from friends and family for us. I also pray that I will continue to be a branch that is firmly connected to the vine.
Love you guys, enjoy your week.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I'm a proud member of the OU Alumni! Boomer Sooner!!
I graduated! I'm so happy and relieved! It was such a great weekend.
We went to Norman friday night with the puppy in tow. A bunch of family came up to Norman to watch the big event. My groupies included my mom, stepdad, Dad, Edie (pronounced Eeeeedie) and Christopher (dad's gal and her son), Val (my sister), Zach and Elijah (my nephews), Bill and Amanda (brother and his wife), Don and Debs (parent-in-laws), Aunt Debbie (self explanitory), My Love, and my puppy. It was such a fun weekend. We got there Friday evening and met Dad, Edie and Christopher at their hotel and went out to dinner. We were so lucky to find a pet-friendly hotel so we could leave Chloe to relax in front of the TV while we ran errands. Anyway, we went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse. Our waitress was adorable but she made me ride the saddle while the restraunt congratulated me on my graduation. We retired back to the hotel in time to watch the Thunder drop a heart breaker. (In better news, they came back to win game seven on Sunday night when we got back to Tulsa - THUNDER UP!!!!!!)
Saturday afternoon the rest of the gang got to Norman. The gals went shopping, the guys talked sports. We all went to eat a Johnny Carrinos and then headed to graduation. It was a huge mess! There we more people there than seats to put them in. I mean A LOT more people than seats. Hundreds of people were sitting outside of Catlett music hall, some in tears. They ended up seating family in the place where we were supposed to sit. They kicked faculty off the stage and some how my entire family ended up sitting there. Yes, on the stage. My family will forever be in everyone's graduation pics. Random. We were really lucky, some family members didn't get to see their graduates walk the stage - SAD!! None of the graduates got to see any of the ceremony. We basically waited in a hall and walked through single file just long enough to shake hands and get our degree (holders...not the real thing yet). My wonderful friend Jackie came too! I hadn't seen her in over a year and it meant the world to me to see her when I walked in! Overall, the ceremony was a pooh-storm. But I honestly don't care!! I graduated! I had so many people there to support me. It was a wonderful weekend. I start my new job at St Francis Heart Hospital any day now. Still waiting on HR crap to work itself out. Until them, I'm cleaning like crazy. I'm cleaning out cabinets, getting rid of clothes, CLEANING!! It feels so good! Hope everyone is enjoying the warm weather!! Love you all!
Me and My Love
Me and Mom
My class minus 4
Dad, Edie, and Chris
Me with Val, Zach and Eli...it was Eli's 13th bday!
Me with Bill and Amanda
me and Aunt Debbie
Me and Dr Boyce
Chloe living it up at the hotel
Hanna, Me, Mai and Debs...the Tulsa ladies
We went to Norman friday night with the puppy in tow. A bunch of family came up to Norman to watch the big event. My groupies included my mom, stepdad, Dad, Edie (pronounced Eeeeedie) and Christopher (dad's gal and her son), Val (my sister), Zach and Elijah (my nephews), Bill and Amanda (brother and his wife), Don and Debs (parent-in-laws), Aunt Debbie (self explanitory), My Love, and my puppy. It was such a fun weekend. We got there Friday evening and met Dad, Edie and Christopher at their hotel and went out to dinner. We were so lucky to find a pet-friendly hotel so we could leave Chloe to relax in front of the TV while we ran errands. Anyway, we went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse. Our waitress was adorable but she made me ride the saddle while the restraunt congratulated me on my graduation. We retired back to the hotel in time to watch the Thunder drop a heart breaker. (In better news, they came back to win game seven on Sunday night when we got back to Tulsa - THUNDER UP!!!!!!)
Saturday afternoon the rest of the gang got to Norman. The gals went shopping, the guys talked sports. We all went to eat a Johnny Carrinos and then headed to graduation. It was a huge mess! There we more people there than seats to put them in. I mean A LOT more people than seats. Hundreds of people were sitting outside of Catlett music hall, some in tears. They ended up seating family in the place where we were supposed to sit. They kicked faculty off the stage and some how my entire family ended up sitting there. Yes, on the stage. My family will forever be in everyone's graduation pics. Random. We were really lucky, some family members didn't get to see their graduates walk the stage - SAD!! None of the graduates got to see any of the ceremony. We basically waited in a hall and walked through single file just long enough to shake hands and get our degree (holders...not the real thing yet). My wonderful friend Jackie came too! I hadn't seen her in over a year and it meant the world to me to see her when I walked in! Overall, the ceremony was a pooh-storm. But I honestly don't care!! I graduated! I had so many people there to support me. It was a wonderful weekend. I start my new job at St Francis Heart Hospital any day now. Still waiting on HR crap to work itself out. Until them, I'm cleaning like crazy. I'm cleaning out cabinets, getting rid of clothes, CLEANING!! It feels so good! Hope everyone is enjoying the warm weather!! Love you all!
Me and My Love
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Weird day...
The countdown has finally reached single digits! My Tulsa graduation is Tuesday night (at TU) and my Norman graduation is Saturday night. (at 8:00 at Callett Music Hall in Norman). It's kind of a weird mix of emotions. I feel like it wasn't that long ago that I got my acceptance letter to the sonography program in the mail. At random times I get a spontaneous whiff of formaldehyde left over from cadaver anatomy. (I'm afraid that one won't ever go away....) At the same time, I feel like I've been in this program FOREVER!! It seems like I've been counting down to graduation for like ten years!
When I was accepted into the program, I was originally placed in OKC. I ended up switching with a friend and moved to the Tulsa campus. Like a week after I committed to switch, I had a mini-nervous breakdown. I remember laying in bed crying for like an hour. Jeremy just kept saying, "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!! If you want us to stay, we can stay. If you want to go to Tulsa, we can go!!" He probably though I was out of my mind. I can't say I blame him! Obviously, we moved. I was nervous about leaving my friends, moving to a new city, and joining a class in Tulsa that already knew one another. Turns out, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I have met some wonderful people here. I've made friends that I could count on for anything. We found a church that we both love. I got a great job working in cardiac. Things really fell into place for us. There is one downside. I absolutely hate, hate, hate living so far away from my family. I feel guilty about it all of the time. It's been especially hard because I had school all week and then had some paper to write or test to study for every single weekend. I'm hoping now that graduation is finally here, I'll be able to plan trips home on a more regular basis. It's really weird, because I love living in Tulsa- but I feel guilty that I love it so much because my family isn't here. It's hard to explain. In my perfect world my family would all live here too.
For the past year or so, my biggest goal was to finish school and find a job. That made it a bit easier to push starting a family onto the back burner. Don't get me wrong, I thought about it all of the time. So now, I am done with school (with the exception of two finals on Wednesday). I have a job and we're about to start house shopping. Having a baby is back on my mind full time these days. It could have a little something to do with the fact that almost EVERY couple we know is pregnant or pushing a stroller. Haha. And I'm truly, sincerely happy for those people. (especially the one having Bentley's brother). But I reallywant need to be one of those people. I had a little moment in church this morning. At the 10:00 service they had a big baby dedication ceremony. There were 8 happy couples at the front of the church holding babies and beaming. The thought crossed my mind...."What if Jeremy and I never get to stand up there and show off our own little girl or boy?" I got choked up, then full blown tears. Again, Jeremy is left wondering if I lost my mind. Lol. Poor guy. In past years, I always gave the cards and gifts and acknowledged Mother's Day. Today was the first time that my heart really hurt on Mother's Day. It was the first time I felt (as dumb as this sounds) left out, I guess. Now I'm sitting here feeling dumb for feeling sad.
I'm in such a weird place. I'm excited beyond belief about graduating and starting a new job. But my heart is feeling a little bit broken at the same time. I'm struggling with just letting go of the anxiety and doubt about ever getting pregnant. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens next!
When I was accepted into the program, I was originally placed in OKC. I ended up switching with a friend and moved to the Tulsa campus. Like a week after I committed to switch, I had a mini-nervous breakdown. I remember laying in bed crying for like an hour. Jeremy just kept saying, "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!! If you want us to stay, we can stay. If you want to go to Tulsa, we can go!!" He probably though I was out of my mind. I can't say I blame him! Obviously, we moved. I was nervous about leaving my friends, moving to a new city, and joining a class in Tulsa that already knew one another. Turns out, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I have met some wonderful people here. I've made friends that I could count on for anything. We found a church that we both love. I got a great job working in cardiac. Things really fell into place for us. There is one downside. I absolutely hate, hate, hate living so far away from my family. I feel guilty about it all of the time. It's been especially hard because I had school all week and then had some paper to write or test to study for every single weekend. I'm hoping now that graduation is finally here, I'll be able to plan trips home on a more regular basis. It's really weird, because I love living in Tulsa- but I feel guilty that I love it so much because my family isn't here. It's hard to explain. In my perfect world my family would all live here too.
For the past year or so, my biggest goal was to finish school and find a job. That made it a bit easier to push starting a family onto the back burner. Don't get me wrong, I thought about it all of the time. So now, I am done with school (with the exception of two finals on Wednesday). I have a job and we're about to start house shopping. Having a baby is back on my mind full time these days. It could have a little something to do with the fact that almost EVERY couple we know is pregnant or pushing a stroller. Haha. And I'm truly, sincerely happy for those people. (especially the one having Bentley's brother). But I really
I'm in such a weird place. I'm excited beyond belief about graduating and starting a new job. But my heart is feeling a little bit broken at the same time. I'm struggling with just letting go of the anxiety and doubt about ever getting pregnant. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens next!
Friday, April 22, 2011
My sun stood still...
School is winding down. I graduate in three weeks-ish. About a month ago the thought of graduation totally stressed me out. I was so afraid that graduation would come and go and I'd be jobless! I stressed and cried and whined to Jeremy day in and day out! (Side note: I have the most supportive husband alive. No matter how stressed and doubtful I felt, he had no doubts and believed in me. Thank you love!! I'm so lucky!) My Sun Stand Still prayer was that I would get a the job at St Francis Cardiac. I had prayed about it before, but I finally just asked God - with abandon. Like Joshua asked the sun to stand still. I asked him to allow me to work there, and to use me in a way that glorified Him. And we all know that GOD IS GOOD. I got the job!! I couldn't be more excited!! Now it's my turn to hold up my end of the deal. I want people - patients, coworkers, strangers, everyone - to see Him in me. I'm so excited to see where this goes.
I rotated through St Francis cardiac about a year ago and I loved the people that worked there. I asked to go back for a second rotation this spring and Professor Bagley let me go. I'm so thankful for that! The people there are so fun. There is little-to-no drama and everyone gets along. I'm happy that I found a job where people are as goofy as me. It is going to be hard work, but I know there will be lots of laughs! I'm pretty much beside myself about it. I feel so lucky!
Thanks to everyone who sent positive vibes and prayers my way. I feel like we're entering a brand new chapter in our lives and I'm so excited to get started! Step one is tomorrow - go buy a graduation dress and some St-Francis-blue scrubs!! Yayyy! Love you all!
Enjoy your Easter weekend and focus on the miracle that it really is. Jesus died for us. He gave us the ability to live and be forgiven. The best part, he ROSE AGAIN! Happy Easter!
I rotated through St Francis cardiac about a year ago and I loved the people that worked there. I asked to go back for a second rotation this spring and Professor Bagley let me go. I'm so thankful for that! The people there are so fun. There is little-to-no drama and everyone gets along. I'm happy that I found a job where people are as goofy as me. It is going to be hard work, but I know there will be lots of laughs! I'm pretty much beside myself about it. I feel so lucky!
Thanks to everyone who sent positive vibes and prayers my way. I feel like we're entering a brand new chapter in our lives and I'm so excited to get started! Step one is tomorrow - go buy a graduation dress and some St-Francis-blue scrubs!! Yayyy! Love you all!
Enjoy your Easter weekend and focus on the miracle that it really is. Jesus died for us. He gave us the ability to live and be forgiven. The best part, he ROSE AGAIN! Happy Easter!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Audacious Faith
Last Sunday I ordered Sun Stand Still. It's a book written by the pastor who was guest speaker at our church last weekend. The sermon was awesome and I couldn't wait to read the book. I checked the mail last night and it was heeeeere!! I read for a little bit last night and some today. I'm about 115 pages in and it is so amazing. I recommend it to anyone EVERYONE!! The message is so inspirational and it really helps you examine who you are and exactly what your purpose is for your life. I know this sounds a little dramatic but it's so true!! The book was under ten bucks. I ordered it from Amazon. The author's name is Steven Furtick. Every time I reach a new topic I can find a crystal clear way to apply the concept to where I am in my life right now. I just came to a chapter where he talks about the slippery slope of losing faith. When you're on a spiritual high, it's easy to keep floating. But when something goes wrong and faith falters, it's easy to keep stumbling. Like I said, slippery slope. I am in the midst of recognizing my Sun Stand Still prayer. It has a lot to do with the whole job adventure I am about to dive head first into.
Pastor Steven shared affirmations, or confessions that have helped to strengthen his faith daily. I'm totally going to do this. It goes along the same lines as looking in the mirror first thing in the morning at my mascara smeared eyes, afro-esque hair, unwanted little pooch on my lower stomach - and saying "You're nice, you're beautiful, and people like you!" Okay, so I don't do that. It's not very convincing. Hahah. Buuuut, the confessions I vow to focus on are VERY convincing. Here they are.....
Twelve Audacious Faith Confessions
1. I am fully forgiven and free from all shame and condemnation.
Romans 8:1-2; Ephesians 1:7-8; Joohn 1:9
2. I act in audacious faith to change the world in my generation.
Joshua 10:12-14; John 14:12
3. I have no fear or anxiety; I trust in the Lord with all my heart.
Proverbs 3:5-6; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:7
4. I am able to fulfill the calling God has placed on my life.
Exodus 3:9-12; Psalm 57:2; Colossians 1:24-29
5. I am fully resourced to do everything God has called me to do.
Deuteronomy 8:18; Luke 6:38; Philippians 4:13
6. I have to no insecurity, because I see myself the way God sees me.
Genesis 1:26-27; Psalm 139:13-16; Ephesians 5:25-27
7. I am a faithful spouse (if you're single, you can slip future in there) and a godly parent-our family is blessed.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9; Ephesians 5:22-25; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:1-7
8. I am completely whole - physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Psalm 103:1-5; Matthew 8:16-17; Corinthians 5:17; 1 Peter 2:24
9. I am increasing in influence and favor for the kingdom of God.
Genesis 45:4-8; 1 Samuel 2:26; Acts 2:37-47.
10. I am enabled to walk in the sacrificial love of Christ.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17; 1 John 3:16; 4:9-12
11. I have the wisdom of the Lord concerning every decision I make.
2 Chronicles 1:7-12; Proverbs 2:6; Ecclesiastes 2:26; James 1:5
12. I am protected from all harm and evil in Jesus' name.
Genesis 50:20; Psalm 3:1-3; 2 Thessalonians 3:2-3.
I love everything about this. The scrapbook nerd is gonna come out in me and make a pretty little version of this to hang in my home. I hope you like!
Side note: this book would be an awesome bible study tool! Anyone interested??
Love you all!
Pastor Steven shared affirmations, or confessions that have helped to strengthen his faith daily. I'm totally going to do this. It goes along the same lines as looking in the mirror first thing in the morning at my mascara smeared eyes, afro-esque hair, unwanted little pooch on my lower stomach - and saying "You're nice, you're beautiful, and people like you!" Okay, so I don't do that. It's not very convincing. Hahah. Buuuut, the confessions I vow to focus on are VERY convincing. Here they are.....
Twelve Audacious Faith Confessions
1. I am fully forgiven and free from all shame and condemnation.
Romans 8:1-2; Ephesians 1:7-8; Joohn 1:9
2. I act in audacious faith to change the world in my generation.
Joshua 10:12-14; John 14:12
3. I have no fear or anxiety; I trust in the Lord with all my heart.
Proverbs 3:5-6; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:7
4. I am able to fulfill the calling God has placed on my life.
Exodus 3:9-12; Psalm 57:2; Colossians 1:24-29
5. I am fully resourced to do everything God has called me to do.
Deuteronomy 8:18; Luke 6:38; Philippians 4:13
6. I have to no insecurity, because I see myself the way God sees me.
Genesis 1:26-27; Psalm 139:13-16; Ephesians 5:25-27
7. I am a faithful spouse (if you're single, you can slip future in there) and a godly parent-our family is blessed.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9; Ephesians 5:22-25; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:1-7
8. I am completely whole - physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Psalm 103:1-5; Matthew 8:16-17; Corinthians 5:17; 1 Peter 2:24
9. I am increasing in influence and favor for the kingdom of God.
Genesis 45:4-8; 1 Samuel 2:26; Acts 2:37-47.
10. I am enabled to walk in the sacrificial love of Christ.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17; 1 John 3:16; 4:9-12
11. I have the wisdom of the Lord concerning every decision I make.
2 Chronicles 1:7-12; Proverbs 2:6; Ecclesiastes 2:26; James 1:5
12. I am protected from all harm and evil in Jesus' name.
Genesis 50:20; Psalm 3:1-3; 2 Thessalonians 3:2-3.
I love everything about this. The scrapbook nerd is gonna come out in me and make a pretty little version of this to hang in my home. I hope you like!
Side note: this book would be an awesome bible study tool! Anyone interested??
Love you all!
Monday, March 21, 2011
March 21
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sun Stand Still
Jeremy and I got to church this morning and sat down about ten minutes before the service started. We were looking at the bulletin to see what Pastor Craig had in store for today. We saw that there would be a guest speaker , waaahh wahhhhhh. Now nothing against guest speakers, but we both hang on every word when Pastor Craig gives the sermon. We were a little bit disappointed, but still excited to hear what the message was for this week.
We were not let down....
Pastor Steven Furtick fromNorth Carolina Elevation Church in North Carolina
"O sun, stand still over Gibeon, o moon, over thevalley of Aijalon
So the sun stood still and the moon stopped. THE SUN STOOD STILL, AND THE MOON STOPPED! The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. Joshua and his army finished and won the battle.
Now, I have read this story in Joshua more than once. It really didn't jump out at me the way it did for Pastor Steven. But it was a life changer for him and he explained why. I'm 99% sure that every person in the room (including me) bought what he was selling. Joshua had complete faith in Jesus, and asked for what he needed. He turned it all over and gave ALL control to God. That is pretty amazing faith. We ask for things in prayer all the time. "God, please be with ____ today." or "God, please help me ______." Or we send up blanket/generic prayers such as "God, please help me be a better person." These are all great things to aspire for or hope for others. It is comforting to know that God cares and answers even the most generic of prayers. But, what is the HUGE thing in your life that is so big that you don't even bring it to God? Sometimes I don't bring things to God because to me, it feels selfish. For instance, one thing that is really important to me is the baby issue. Another thing that is constantly on my heart is problems with family members. Not my problem with them, but their problems with each other. (I have a big ole family, so don't try to figure this one out, lol.) How about finances? A lot of people feel like if they’re in a situation because of something that they did, then why should God have to fix it? The whole “you made the bed, now lay in it” mentality takes over. Some people feel selfish in asking for God's guidance there. I know I do! How about this....do you want to live a life that magnifies God to others? In what way? Do you want to witness to people at work or at the gym? Have you asked for God's help there? Pastor Steven made a pretty profound statement...
If your intent for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance that it's insulting to God.
Here's what I personally took from the sermon. I'm working on trying to surrender control. I have tried to really take in the trust in God mentality. "If God wants me to have a baby, he'll make it happen." Well did I ever really ask? For crap sake, Joshua asked the sun to stand still - and it did! Now I don't think that if I just ask God for a baby then wham bam, I'm preggers. I do know that if something is such a HUGE issue in my life, why wouldn't I make it a God conversation?? More importantly, why would I ever dwell on ANYTHING and think that it's not really a God issue? Do I really think he doesn't know? God's not sitting around wondering what's bothering me. "If only she'd ask, I'd know how to help her...." Hahaha. He knows. Pastor Steven shared his Sun Stand Still moment. He had an alcoholic, non-believing father who didn't really know how to parent. His father's father had killed himself on his dad's 8th birthday. He had a rough, confusing life. Steven's prayer was for a serious change. He wanted his dad to know the love he knew. It happened when he asked. What need, goal, or objective seems impossible to you right now? How big is your perception of God? How do you think your limited perception of God has limited your faith?
We were not let down....
Pastor Steven Furtick from
"O sun, stand still over Gibeon, o moon, over the
So the sun stood still and the moon stopped. THE SUN STOOD STILL, AND THE MOON STOPPED! The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. Joshua and his army finished and won the battle.
Now, I have read this story in Joshua more than once. It really didn't jump out at me the way it did for Pastor Steven. But it was a life changer for him and he explained why. I'm 99% sure that every person in the room (including me) bought what he was selling. Joshua had complete faith in Jesus, and asked for what he needed. He turned it all over and gave ALL control to God. That is pretty amazing faith. We ask for things in prayer all the time. "God, please be with ____ today." or "God, please help me ______." Or we send up blanket/generic prayers such as "God, please help me be a better person." These are all great things to aspire for or hope for others. It is comforting to know that God cares and answers even the most generic of prayers. But, what is the HUGE thing in your life that is so big that you don't even bring it to God? Sometimes I don't bring things to God because to me, it feels selfish. For instance, one thing that is really important to me is the baby issue. Another thing that is constantly on my heart is problems with family members. Not my problem with them, but their problems with each other. (I have a big ole family, so don't try to figure this one out, lol.) How about finances? A lot of people feel like if they’re in a situation because of something that they did, then why should God have to fix it? The whole “you made the bed, now lay in it” mentality takes over. Some people feel selfish in asking for God's guidance there. I know I do! How about this....do you want to live a life that magnifies God to others? In what way? Do you want to witness to people at work or at the gym? Have you asked for God's help there? Pastor Steven made a pretty profound statement...
If your intent for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance that it's insulting to God.
Here's what I personally took from the sermon. I'm working on trying to surrender control. I have tried to really take in the trust in God mentality. "If God wants me to have a baby, he'll make it happen." Well did I ever really ask? For crap sake, Joshua asked the sun to stand still - and it did! Now I don't think that if I just ask God for a baby then wham bam, I'm preggers. I do know that if something is such a HUGE issue in my life, why wouldn't I make it a God conversation?? More importantly, why would I ever dwell on ANYTHING and think that it's not really a God issue? Do I really think he doesn't know? God's not sitting around wondering what's bothering me. "If only she'd ask, I'd know how to help her...." Hahaha. He knows. Pastor Steven shared his Sun Stand Still moment. He had an alcoholic, non-believing father who didn't really know how to parent. His father's father had killed himself on his dad's 8th birthday. He had a rough, confusing life. Steven's prayer was for a serious change. He wanted his dad to know the love he knew. It happened when he asked. What need, goal, or objective seems impossible to you right now? How big is your perception of God? How do you think your limited perception of God has limited your faith?
If you’re in a position where you think that the only thing that can fix your problem is a miracle (usually laced with sarcasm when spoken aloud) – then you’re in God’s wheelhouse! He’s in the business of performing miracles! What’s your Sun Stand Still prayer?
Friday, March 18, 2011
Spring Break in review....
Today is the last official day of spring break and I wish I could rewind to Monday and do it all over again! At the same time, I'm looking forward to pounding out these next eight weeks. I'm so ready to be finished with school.
I was pretty lazy the first few days. Monday night I kicked my butt into gear - I cleaned and did ALL the laundry. Tuesday and Wednesday I went to Bartlesville to scan a few hearts. I haven't done an echo since I left Bartlesville several weeks ago. I'm headed to St Francis cardiac after spring break so I didn't want to show up and look like an idiot. I had forgotten how much I loved clinic at Bartlesville. Everyone there was so nice and the atmosphere was so relaxed, a lot like the Imaging Center. I'd love to land such a non-stressful job. (crossing my fingers!)
Oh yeah, rewind. To kick off spring break I joined the Zeka family for a trip to the lakehouse. They recently bought a lake house on Monkey Island at Grand Lake. It's gorgeous! It's not just any regular old weekend spot. It's called Chalet de Sicily. There are amazing blown up beach pics of Sicily all over the lakehouse. They are in the process of transplanting her bedroom from their home to the lakehouse. It's perfect! I went down and helped paint the walls the same bright pink color that is on her bedroom walls in BA. You really feel surrounded by Sicily when you're there and I absolutely love it. On Friday night I even dreamed about the little firecracker. On Saturday morning we took a walk around the area and it was BEAUTIFUL! I could spend every weekend there and be perfectly content. Saturday morning we sat out on the balcony, drank hot tea, and watched the deer, squirrels, and even a little fox run around outside. They said we could visit any time we want. I'm hoping that Jeremy and I can make a quiet trip down some time soon!
I spend some time at Haikey Creek last night. Jeremy is in a men's softball league where his team name is I'd Hit That. I'm proud to say that I came up with that. I'm not proud to say that they are the only tacky named team in the league....the church league. My bad. It's pretty funny to watch grown men get so excited to play every Thursday night. Last week was their first game of the season. He set out his uniform that day like a 12 year old girl getting ready for the first day of school. Ahhh, he makes me laugh. The guys on his team are pretty entertaining. Two other wives and I sat and watched both games and came up with nicknames for the guys. So far they are all food names so I'm thinking we were just hungry while we were watching. So far we have Taco, Beans, Donut, Frank and Bens (yeah, Bens-not beans) and Chocolate Thunder. I need a good food name for Jeremy. Someone suggested Five Dollar Foot Long because he's so friggin tall. I quickly shot that one down because I know he'd take in a completely different direction. Any other ideas?
I'm going to enjoy these last few days and then sprint the final straightaway of school. Oh, side note- I get to go to the Human Body Symposium tonite. I'm so excited!!! Hope you all have a great weekend. I love you friends and family!
I was pretty lazy the first few days. Monday night I kicked my butt into gear - I cleaned and did ALL the laundry. Tuesday and Wednesday I went to Bartlesville to scan a few hearts. I haven't done an echo since I left Bartlesville several weeks ago. I'm headed to St Francis cardiac after spring break so I didn't want to show up and look like an idiot. I had forgotten how much I loved clinic at Bartlesville. Everyone there was so nice and the atmosphere was so relaxed, a lot like the Imaging Center. I'd love to land such a non-stressful job. (crossing my fingers!)
Oh yeah, rewind. To kick off spring break I joined the Zeka family for a trip to the lakehouse. They recently bought a lake house on Monkey Island at Grand Lake. It's gorgeous! It's not just any regular old weekend spot. It's called Chalet de Sicily. There are amazing blown up beach pics of Sicily all over the lakehouse. They are in the process of transplanting her bedroom from their home to the lakehouse. It's perfect! I went down and helped paint the walls the same bright pink color that is on her bedroom walls in BA. You really feel surrounded by Sicily when you're there and I absolutely love it. On Friday night I even dreamed about the little firecracker. On Saturday morning we took a walk around the area and it was BEAUTIFUL! I could spend every weekend there and be perfectly content. Saturday morning we sat out on the balcony, drank hot tea, and watched the deer, squirrels, and even a little fox run around outside. They said we could visit any time we want. I'm hoping that Jeremy and I can make a quiet trip down some time soon!
I spend some time at Haikey Creek last night. Jeremy is in a men's softball league where his team name is I'd Hit That. I'm proud to say that I came up with that. I'm not proud to say that they are the only tacky named team in the league....the church league. My bad. It's pretty funny to watch grown men get so excited to play every Thursday night. Last week was their first game of the season. He set out his uniform that day like a 12 year old girl getting ready for the first day of school. Ahhh, he makes me laugh. The guys on his team are pretty entertaining. Two other wives and I sat and watched both games and came up with nicknames for the guys. So far they are all food names so I'm thinking we were just hungry while we were watching. So far we have Taco, Beans, Donut, Frank and Bens (yeah, Bens-not beans) and Chocolate Thunder. I need a good food name for Jeremy. Someone suggested Five Dollar Foot Long because he's so friggin tall. I quickly shot that one down because I know he'd take in a completely different direction. Any other ideas?
I'm going to enjoy these last few days and then sprint the final straightaway of school. Oh, side note- I get to go to the Human Body Symposium tonite. I'm so excited!!! Hope you all have a great weekend. I love you friends and family!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I AM
Who am I?
I completely fell off the face of the earth for a bit. I crawled into a little hole with a Dr Pepper and a computer for about a month! Every once in a while the dog would peek her fat little head in and say hi. Jeremy came through from time to time to check on me and give me some encouraging words. I spent every moment outside of class or clinic working on my capstone. This afternoon at 11:34 I let that little guy spread his wings and fly! As I clicked the SUBMIT button, it felt like a ton was lifted from my shoulders. This capstone is a requirement for graduation at OU. It's basically a mini-thesis. You form a research question, look up a bunch of articles, analyze them, answer your research question, and write a painfully long paper about the whole ordeal. My research question was, **ahem** "What are the long term benefits and limitations to the Ross procedure in children and young adults and what technical changes are being made to surgical procedure to improve patient outcome?" If you need to pause to rub the boring out of your eyes, go right ahead! Now brace yourself, I'm about to expose my inner nerd.....I really liked my topic. I kinda had a vested interest in the topic because the Ross procedure is the surgery I had to fix my heart in 2003 (or was it 04?). Not sure. Either way, the paper is done!!! I'm so thankful!
The days until graduation are dwindling down. It's actually going by really fast. This last 8 weeks flew by! This is my last week at the Imaging Center and I'm going to be so sad on Friday! I don't want to leave! I've learned a ton and become a better sonographer in my 8 weeks there. Spring break is next week. I'm excited to get all caught up on laundry, organizing, and job hunting!
So recently I've been working on the "Who am I?" situation. And no, I'm not having a secret life crisis or coming out of the closet or anything of the sort. Who am I? The series over this past few weeks at church has focused on that question. I hadn't really spent much time asking myself. It was kind of a given, I guess. I'm a woman, so - wife and future mom. I love people and I love the medical field so - a job in healthcare. So, I'm supposed to be a wife and a mom and have a health care job. I am a wife. (a lucky one!) I'm about to start a sonography career. (health care job-check) But I'm still not a mom. This has been KILLING ME!!! I have started to feel like it was a failure on my part. It feels like something I was supposed to do, but I can't. I've formed my identity around this thing that I haven't been able to achieve. I've been dwelling on it and I've cried about it more than you might know. It is the one thing that I feel "out of control" about. I really felt depression creeping in. This message that Pastor Craig has continued to give for three weeks now, has hit home with me. Sure, I'm a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sonographer, a sister, a niece, a cousin, an aunt. These are all really important things. I am not completely defined by any of them. Here is what I AM.
1. I'm a God's perfect masterpiece.
2. I'm an ambassador for God.
3. I'm an overcomer. (best sermon I've ever heard, PS)
When my relationship with God defines who I am, nothing can let me down. Everything else just comes as a bonus. I'm not saying I'm there yet, or even close. But this is where I'm going. I want to focus on Him and let everything else fall into place. If everything else includes having a baby, I will be so blessed. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'll be blessed with a baby from somewhere else. We'll see. I have to put this in God's hands.
Love you friends and family. Have a great week
I completely fell off the face of the earth for a bit. I crawled into a little hole with a Dr Pepper and a computer for about a month! Every once in a while the dog would peek her fat little head in and say hi. Jeremy came through from time to time to check on me and give me some encouraging words. I spent every moment outside of class or clinic working on my capstone. This afternoon at 11:34 I let that little guy spread his wings and fly! As I clicked the SUBMIT button, it felt like a ton was lifted from my shoulders. This capstone is a requirement for graduation at OU. It's basically a mini-thesis. You form a research question, look up a bunch of articles, analyze them, answer your research question, and write a painfully long paper about the whole ordeal. My research question was, **ahem** "What are the long term benefits and limitations to the Ross procedure in children and young adults and what technical changes are being made to surgical procedure to improve patient outcome?" If you need to pause to rub the boring out of your eyes, go right ahead! Now brace yourself, I'm about to expose my inner nerd.....I really liked my topic. I kinda had a vested interest in the topic because the Ross procedure is the surgery I had to fix my heart in 2003 (or was it 04?). Not sure. Either way, the paper is done!!! I'm so thankful!
The days until graduation are dwindling down. It's actually going by really fast. This last 8 weeks flew by! This is my last week at the Imaging Center and I'm going to be so sad on Friday! I don't want to leave! I've learned a ton and become a better sonographer in my 8 weeks there. Spring break is next week. I'm excited to get all caught up on laundry, organizing, and job hunting!
So recently I've been working on the "Who am I?" situation. And no, I'm not having a secret life crisis or coming out of the closet or anything of the sort. Who am I? The series over this past few weeks at church has focused on that question. I hadn't really spent much time asking myself. It was kind of a given, I guess. I'm a woman, so - wife and future mom. I love people and I love the medical field so - a job in healthcare. So, I'm supposed to be a wife and a mom and have a health care job. I am a wife. (a lucky one!) I'm about to start a sonography career. (health care job-check) But I'm still not a mom. This has been KILLING ME!!! I have started to feel like it was a failure on my part. It feels like something I was supposed to do, but I can't. I've formed my identity around this thing that I haven't been able to achieve. I've been dwelling on it and I've cried about it more than you might know. It is the one thing that I feel "out of control" about. I really felt depression creeping in. This message that Pastor Craig has continued to give for three weeks now, has hit home with me. Sure, I'm a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sonographer, a sister, a niece, a cousin, an aunt. These are all really important things. I am not completely defined by any of them. Here is what I AM.
1. I'm a God's perfect masterpiece.
2. I'm an ambassador for God.
3. I'm an overcomer. (best sermon I've ever heard, PS)
When my relationship with God defines who I am, nothing can let me down. Everything else just comes as a bonus. I'm not saying I'm there yet, or even close. But this is where I'm going. I want to focus on Him and let everything else fall into place. If everything else includes having a baby, I will be so blessed. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'll be blessed with a baby from somewhere else. We'll see. I have to put this in God's hands.
Love you friends and family. Have a great week
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I just cried at an episode of Sex and the City
I've talked a little bit before about this shot that I'm on called Lupron. It makes me a bit of hormonal mess. Well the hormonal hurricane just hit an all time high when I just cried at an episode of Sex and the City - the one when Charlotte and Trey have the photoshoot in their apartment for the home decor magazine. Yep, it's official. I shouldn't go into public anymore. I just thought about it and realized that I've cried like ten times this week, no joke! Here's a rather amusing (only in hindsight) list of the reasons I've lost it this week.
1. Sex and the City: I got choked up every time Charlotte and Trey talked about their baby problems. (this one isn't really that amusing).
2. My straigtener wouldn't turn on yesterday before clinic and my hair was really big. I looked stupid. I cried in the mirror.
3. I had a bad dream and woke up in the middle of the night. (x 2)
4. American Idol sad stories (x 5 or so.....) and then again when they sing really good.
5. Some time during the stent that school kept getting cancelled. I got really bored. I was literally bored to tears.
6. Because the hot flashes wouldn't stop. I seriously had like four an hour for like 6 hours.
7. I cried at a sad episode of Scrubs.
8. Because Jeremy had to drive to work in a blizzard.
9. In the bathroom at clinic one day because I got so frustrated.
10. I couldn't find my wallet. It was in my purse the whole time.
11. Because I was so happy that the IT girl fixed my computer - no full blown tears but I welled up pretty good. I know she thought I was a complete nut job.
Hah. Gotta love the Lupron.
1. Sex and the City: I got choked up every time Charlotte and Trey talked about their baby problems. (this one isn't really that amusing).
2. My straigtener wouldn't turn on yesterday before clinic and my hair was really big. I looked stupid. I cried in the mirror.
3. I had a bad dream and woke up in the middle of the night. (x 2)
4. American Idol sad stories (x 5 or so.....) and then again when they sing really good.
5. Some time during the stent that school kept getting cancelled. I got really bored. I was literally bored to tears.
6. Because the hot flashes wouldn't stop. I seriously had like four an hour for like 6 hours.
7. I cried at a sad episode of Scrubs.
8. Because Jeremy had to drive to work in a blizzard.
9. In the bathroom at clinic one day because I got so frustrated.
10. I couldn't find my wallet. It was in my purse the whole time.
11. Because I was so happy that the IT girl fixed my computer - no full blown tears but I welled up pretty good. I know she thought I was a complete nut job.
Hah. Gotta love the Lupron.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My little girl turned 7 today.
Happy Birthday to my little ticker!! I always forget her birthday but Mom never forgets to call first thing in the morning every February 5th and wish the little squeezer a happy day! February 5, 2004 seems like a really long time ago. Rewind to about a week before that......
I was at SAU. (Iaffectionately refer to that place as the butthole of the earth!!) We were about to kick off the meaty part of volleyball offseason. This included miles and miles of running and early mornings of lifting weights. I hadn't really shared with anyone JUST how crappy I'd been feeling. I had a wimpy heart valve (my aorta, to be specific). As long as I could remember, I felt a little shaky and tired when I worked out. I felt like no matter how much I ran or practiced, I could never get in shape. I would shake like a crack whore during workouts. It became pretty normal. This was a lot different though. I woke up feeling like I had run a marathon in my sleep. I had to stop and rest on my way to class and practice was torture. I had headaches every day, all day. I didn't give in until I started having chest pain more often than not. I called mama and cried cause I felt like I was dying, seriously. She booked a flight home to see trusty ole' Dr Rowe. He had been my cardiologist for a long, long time and we trusted that little bald guy (with the exception of one thick, long hair in the middle of his dome) more than anyone else. I think I got home on Monday, surgery was scheduled for the next Thursday. I was SO NERVOUS but more than that I was just ready to feel better.
I met the surgeon, Dr Fox, a few days prior to surgery. He was used to seeing littles b/c he was a pediatric cardiothoracic surgeon. My heart condition was congenital, so I still saw all pediatric doctors. This was actually pretty awesome cause the nurses are much nicer on the purple kangaroo floor! I cracked some jokes (I say jokes, but I was DEAD SERIOUS) asking him to give me a boob job while he had the chest cracked open during surgery. He turned red and laughed uncomfortably...I laughed dissapointedly - those of you who know me are aware that I still have painfully small boobs. My make-a-wish fell through. Anyway...I checked in at Brackenridge Children's Hospital that Thursday morning and all of that day was pretty much a blur. The only thing I remember well was the anesthesiologist coming in with a "margarita" for my IV. It was gooooood.
I woke up surrounded by family. The first couple of days were a blur of Versed and other meds. But by about the beginning of day 3 I was pretty coherent. I felt better. And not better from surgery, but better. I felt better than I could remember feeling, maybe EVER. I didn't feel wimpy or just plain tired anymore. I was a little sore from the chest cracking fiasco but other than that I was good! It's really kinda crazy. After all was said and done, I didn't know just how bad had I felt until I felt better. I kinda wanted to go back and play all those years of volleyball over again - but feeling this way. Mainly so I could show Coach Currier-Schlobohm, whatever the crap her name was, that I wasn't just slacking. She always rode my butt so hard when I couldn't finish a workout. Jerk. After the surgery I was really self conscious for a while about the huge scar running down the middle of my chest. I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror crying for a good hour the first time I took my shirt off to take a shower. It makes me laugh now, I don't really even notice the scar anymore. (**but if Dr Fox had granted me the boob job then the scar WOULD be hidden in some cleavage, just saying....)
I went back to SAU to finish school a couple of weeks later. Now I can say I'm a member of the MULERIDER alumni. Yeah, I said it. Fighting donkey riders. Hah! I moved in with one of the greatest people I know, Britty. We had a blast that summer and I met the greatest person I know - My Love.
So seven years later my little heart is still ticking away and I wake up refreshed and full of energy. I am such a lucky person. I was reading articles about the surgery I had earlier today for my capstone project; it's called a ROSS procedure. They take your messed up aorta out and hurl it into the garbage (that's how it played out in my head...he shoots - he scores!!! Yayaaaaaa) and then they move your pulmonary valve to where your aorta used to be. Then they put a donor valve on where your pulmonary valve used to be. Hard core stuff, right!? Back to the articles....it got me thinking. One article talked about the donors of the heart valves. Sometimes I just plain forget that I actually have a donor valve inside of me. Someone was selfless enough to literally give a piece of him or herself to ME. Pretty amazing, I think. Remember that when you have to check the donor preference on your drivers license. One day you won't need those things anymore, but some tired person just might. I'm really grateful and couldn't thank that person enough!
So to my ticker, Happy 7th birthday. They grow up so fast....tear.
I hope you all enjoy your superbowl sunday. Love you all, family and friends!!!
So...an ammendment to my post. My mom reminded me of a fun little detail that I left out!
Five ~or so~ days after surgery, I got to go home. On the way to the house we had to go by Walgreens to pick up my obscene amount of scripts. I also had to get one of those big blue pill dividers to divy them into. (After I got home and filled the thing my sweet cousin Maddie took one look at the container and proudly exclaimed "Oh, my grandma has one of those too!" Ouch.) Good news - those pills dwindled away quickly, now I only take a beta blocker a day for my heart. Anyway - I went into Walgreens with my mom and dad to fills the scripts. I felt good, but my chest was sore from surgery. I had to go to the bathroom. Me and mom went in and it took me forever to pull down the pants, etc. Mom finished and went out of the restroom. I finished my business, washed my hands and proceeded to the door. I pulled as hard as I could and the door wouldn't budge. Ha! I tried again, no luck. Turns out I was barely pulling because my chest and back muscles were so sore that I had the strength of like a 7 month old. So, I just hung out in the bathroom for what felt like forever. Finally, mom got worried and came back to check on me. It was like my own little prison break - thank the good Lord. If I was by myself at Walgreens I could have very likely spend the entire day trapped in there. Aaah, fun times.
I was at SAU. (I
I met the surgeon, Dr Fox, a few days prior to surgery. He was used to seeing littles b/c he was a pediatric cardiothoracic surgeon. My heart condition was congenital, so I still saw all pediatric doctors. This was actually pretty awesome cause the nurses are much nicer on the purple kangaroo floor! I cracked some jokes (I say jokes, but I was DEAD SERIOUS) asking him to give me a boob job while he had the chest cracked open during surgery. He turned red and laughed uncomfortably...I laughed dissapointedly - those of you who know me are aware that I still have painfully small boobs. My make-a-wish fell through. Anyway...I checked in at Brackenridge Children's Hospital that Thursday morning and all of that day was pretty much a blur. The only thing I remember well was the anesthesiologist coming in with a "margarita" for my IV. It was gooooood.
I woke up surrounded by family. The first couple of days were a blur of Versed and other meds. But by about the beginning of day 3 I was pretty coherent. I felt better. And not better from surgery, but better. I felt better than I could remember feeling, maybe EVER. I didn't feel wimpy or just plain tired anymore. I was a little sore from the chest cracking fiasco but other than that I was good! It's really kinda crazy. After all was said and done, I didn't know just how bad had I felt until I felt better. I kinda wanted to go back and play all those years of volleyball over again - but feeling this way. Mainly so I could show Coach Currier-Schlobohm, whatever the crap her name was, that I wasn't just slacking. She always rode my butt so hard when I couldn't finish a workout. Jerk. After the surgery I was really self conscious for a while about the huge scar running down the middle of my chest. I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror crying for a good hour the first time I took my shirt off to take a shower. It makes me laugh now, I don't really even notice the scar anymore. (**but if Dr Fox had granted me the boob job then the scar WOULD be hidden in some cleavage, just saying....)
I went back to SAU to finish school a couple of weeks later. Now I can say I'm a member of the MULERIDER alumni. Yeah, I said it. Fighting donkey riders. Hah! I moved in with one of the greatest people I know, Britty. We had a blast that summer and I met the greatest person I know - My Love.
So seven years later my little heart is still ticking away and I wake up refreshed and full of energy. I am such a lucky person. I was reading articles about the surgery I had earlier today for my capstone project; it's called a ROSS procedure. They take your messed up aorta out and hurl it into the garbage (that's how it played out in my head...he shoots - he scores!!! Yayaaaaaa) and then they move your pulmonary valve to where your aorta used to be. Then they put a donor valve on where your pulmonary valve used to be. Hard core stuff, right!? Back to the articles....it got me thinking. One article talked about the donors of the heart valves. Sometimes I just plain forget that I actually have a donor valve inside of me. Someone was selfless enough to literally give a piece of him or herself to ME. Pretty amazing, I think. Remember that when you have to check the donor preference on your drivers license. One day you won't need those things anymore, but some tired person just might. I'm really grateful and couldn't thank that person enough!
So to my ticker, Happy 7th birthday. They grow up so fast....tear.
I hope you all enjoy your superbowl sunday. Love you all, family and friends!!!
So...an ammendment to my post. My mom reminded me of a fun little detail that I left out!
Five ~or so~ days after surgery, I got to go home. On the way to the house we had to go by Walgreens to pick up my obscene amount of scripts. I also had to get one of those big blue pill dividers to divy them into. (After I got home and filled the thing my sweet cousin Maddie took one look at the container and proudly exclaimed "Oh, my grandma has one of those too!" Ouch.) Good news - those pills dwindled away quickly, now I only take a beta blocker a day for my heart. Anyway - I went into Walgreens with my mom and dad to fills the scripts. I felt good, but my chest was sore from surgery. I had to go to the bathroom. Me and mom went in and it took me forever to pull down the pants, etc. Mom finished and went out of the restroom. I finished my business, washed my hands and proceeded to the door. I pulled as hard as I could and the door wouldn't budge. Ha! I tried again, no luck. Turns out I was barely pulling because my chest and back muscles were so sore that I had the strength of like a 7 month old. So, I just hung out in the bathroom for what felt like forever. Finally, mom got worried and came back to check on me. It was like my own little prison break - thank the good Lord. If I was by myself at Walgreens I could have very likely spend the entire day trapped in there. Aaah, fun times.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
What a great day!
Day #3 of cancelled class. The first two stunk a little because Jeremy had to drive in the Oklahoma blizzard to work. I was home alone. It was a good time to get some school work done and snuggle the puppy! I didn't get as much done as I should have, but hey - no class tomorrow either! We are supposed to get more snow early next week so I'm wondering what my schedule will be like. I am truly ready to get back to clinic. I don't want to miss out on too many days at the Imaging Center because I really like it!
My day started in the best way possible. The scent of apple cinnamon pancakes woke me up after 10:00. Niiiice! They were delicious. I'm so glad Jeremy is a breakfast guy. After pancakes we sat around for a while and then had a blast out in the snow. PS...building a snowman isn't nearly as easy as you might think. You don't just roll a tiny snowball across the snowy ground and watch it grow big just like they do it in the cartoons, trust me. We worked hard on the little guy for a while and moved on to snow angels, then moved right into base jumping off the curb and face planting in the snow. Fun times!!! (Side note: I accidentally wrote "we started free basing off the curb...ha. That involves a whole different form of white powdery substance if I'm not mistaken. Glad I caught that little gem!) After snowville we made the icy trip to Wal Mart. I was pumped. I haven't left the house since I went to clinic on Monday and I was honestly getting a little bit stir crazy! After wandering around for a bit, we grabbed a movie from a RedBox and came home.
Jeremy and I smoked the Williams sisters in a tough match of Wii tennis. My shoulder is sore....I guess that explains my workout level at this point of my life - I'm not proud of it. Jeremy is still going strong in his journey through the Australian open. He's bouncing around the livingroom and talking crap to all the little Wii-folks. (it's really pissing off the dog) Next stop, chicken spaghetti for dinner. We plan to wrap up the day with a little champagne and a scary movie. This is the best, happiest day I have had in a while. I love Jeremy more than words can explain. I'm such a lucky lady.
I hope everyone is making the best of this winter wonderland. If we ever develop the skillset needed to erect a giant snowman, I'll post pics IMMEDIATELY! Love you friends and family!
My day started in the best way possible. The scent of apple cinnamon pancakes woke me up after 10:00. Niiiice! They were delicious. I'm so glad Jeremy is a breakfast guy. After pancakes we sat around for a while and then had a blast out in the snow. PS...building a snowman isn't nearly as easy as you might think. You don't just roll a tiny snowball across the snowy ground and watch it grow big just like they do it in the cartoons, trust me. We worked hard on the little guy for a while and moved on to snow angels, then moved right into base jumping off the curb and face planting in the snow. Fun times!!! (Side note: I accidentally wrote "we started free basing off the curb...ha. That involves a whole different form of white powdery substance if I'm not mistaken. Glad I caught that little gem!) After snowville we made the icy trip to Wal Mart. I was pumped. I haven't left the house since I went to clinic on Monday and I was honestly getting a little bit stir crazy! After wandering around for a bit, we grabbed a movie from a RedBox and came home.
Jeremy and I smoked the Williams sisters in a tough match of Wii tennis. My shoulder is sore....I guess that explains my workout level at this point of my life - I'm not proud of it. Jeremy is still going strong in his journey through the Australian open. He's bouncing around the livingroom and talking crap to all the little Wii-folks. (it's really pissing off the dog) Next stop, chicken spaghetti for dinner. We plan to wrap up the day with a little champagne and a scary movie. This is the best, happiest day I have had in a while. I love Jeremy more than words can explain. I'm such a lucky lady.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
C'mon kids...school is back in session!
Two weeks of my final semester down! We started back up on the 18th. The first week was pretty glorious due to the crazy Oklahoma weather. We only had one day of class and two days of clinic. I'm still really fighting to get back into school-mode because I got a little lazy over the break. I have a long list of presentations and papers to get working on but I just can't seem to get my little fingers to type anything school related. The most daunting task in my near future is my capstone..dun dun dunnnnnn! It's like a mini-thesis in the form of a lit review. It will take hours of research and writing. So, if you have any extra willpower lying around, please kick it my way! I haven't even picked a solid topic thus far.
Last weekend I worked on booking hotel rooms in Norman so all of my family can drive up and celebrate graduation with me. It's so exciting to think that it's so close! I can't wait to finish school and get a job so that I can contribute a paycheck to the household again. Jeremy has been working so hard and picking up my slack for two years now. He needs a break! A paycheck with my name on it will be a sight for sore eyes. While some cash is motivation in itself, I am more excited to just start doing this sonography thing. I'm in clinic at St Francis Imaging Center right now. I've spent five days in clinic and I already feel so different. I have started performing studies that I really hadn't tried before this rotation. The people that work there are so encouraging and helpful! Yesterday I started a thyroid study and by about ten minutes in I was so friggin frustrated that I nearly threw the transducer through the monitor. (This brings me back to the paycheck situation....transducers and ultrasound machines cost tens of thousands of dollars so I CANNOT afford to office space any equipment.) So.....deep breaths...1...2...3...4...5...hot flash. Seriously. I started sweating like man. I got up, walked out of the exam room red faced and, frankly, a little bit pissed off. You see, when you get to this point in the program it's a little bit embarassing to walk back into the office and admit defeat. I am fully capable of completely a thyroid study - it's one of the easiest exams to do. However, this thyroid was like a little devil spawn sent from the pits of hell to terrorize me. Ok, alittle huge exaggeration. But anything multiplied by a full blown hot flash seems a little bit more dramatic. **Shout out to my menopausal friends - I feel you ladies!!** I digress....I walked into the office and grabbed the lead sonographer. He came into the exam room and finished the exam, talking me through the dirty details. After the patient left, the sonographer explained that this thyroid was really difficult and I shouldn't feel bad about struggling with the exam. He put my mind at ease. So I waited by the printer for my next patient to print out and give me a shot at redemption for that damn thyroid. It did - and I did. I finished the study with ease and felt like a brand new woman! The sonographers at SFIC are just so encouraging and I can feel myself improving daily. I'm going to enjoy the next six weeks of clinic. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my next rotation is at the pediatric cardiology center of St Francis. I think that even if it isn't my rotation I might just show up and start scanning some littles and hope I don't leave with a police escort.
So my little typing fingers are warmed up....let me see if I can get them to talk about professionalism or ethics or one of the other topics I need to work on for my presentations!!!!
Love you friends and family.
Last weekend I worked on booking hotel rooms in Norman so all of my family can drive up and celebrate graduation with me. It's so exciting to think that it's so close! I can't wait to finish school and get a job so that I can contribute a paycheck to the household again. Jeremy has been working so hard and picking up my slack for two years now. He needs a break! A paycheck with my name on it will be a sight for sore eyes. While some cash is motivation in itself, I am more excited to just start doing this sonography thing. I'm in clinic at St Francis Imaging Center right now. I've spent five days in clinic and I already feel so different. I have started performing studies that I really hadn't tried before this rotation. The people that work there are so encouraging and helpful! Yesterday I started a thyroid study and by about ten minutes in I was so friggin frustrated that I nearly threw the transducer through the monitor. (This brings me back to the paycheck situation....transducers and ultrasound machines cost tens of thousands of dollars so I CANNOT afford to office space any equipment.) So.....deep breaths...1...2...3...4...5...hot flash. Seriously. I started sweating like man. I got up, walked out of the exam room red faced and, frankly, a little bit pissed off. You see, when you get to this point in the program it's a little bit embarassing to walk back into the office and admit defeat. I am fully capable of completely a thyroid study - it's one of the easiest exams to do. However, this thyroid was like a little devil spawn sent from the pits of hell to terrorize me. Ok, a
So my little typing fingers are warmed up....let me see if I can get them to talk about professionalism or ethics or one of the other topics I need to work on for my presentations!!!!
Love you friends and family.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Draw 4 Sistaaaaa.....
I worked as a pharmacy tech at Walgreens for quite a while and I loved it the majority of the time. I got to know all the regulars pretty well and even had a proposition to run away with a dirty old man. My favorite shifts were the nights I closed with my boss, and great friend, Jackie. Those Wednesday nights comprised most of my favorite memories of working as a pharmacy tech. I thought for a while that I might want to go to school to become a pharmacist. I even started taking the prerequisites for the Rx program at OU. After working in the pharmacy for about a year it became painfully obvious that I didn't want to keep dealing drugs out of the tiny cave in the back of Walgreens. Now that I'm back in school (and almost done, woot woot!!) I find myself wondering why I spent so much time counting pills instead of staying in college. It wasn't until recently that it hit me. If I hadn't worked in the pharmacy, I would have never met the tiny little person that impacted my life in such a big way.
One night I was closing and a very friendly woman rushed to the counter to fill a prescription. The pharmacist (not Jackie) said that we should just fill it the next day because we were in the midst of shutting down shop. The customer, who I now refer to as my long lost sister Kerry, explained that her daughter had just had surgery earlier that day. She had her port put in. The little hairs on the back of my neck stood up at the word "port". The year before this my little cousin, Tanner, was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. He had been through more than I, a grown woman, could ever even imaging enduring....surgery, pain, chemo, C-dif, infections, CANCER. (We found out after Christmas that Tanner beat cancer for the 3rd time! I'll be blogging about that guy soon enough!) So when Kerry mentioned the dirty word she had my full blown attention. Her little firecracker, Sicily, had been diagnosed with Wilm's Tumors two days prior to this pharmacy visit. We filled the script, talked a little about CaringBridge, and went on our way. I couldn't stop thinking about Sicily for days and days. So, I violated every HIPPA law out there and looked up Kerry's phone number and called her. It turns out Sicily was inpatient at the hospital only a few miles from my apartment. That afternoon I made the first of many visits to see Sicily. I soon met Patrick (Sicily's dad) and her siblings - Corinthian, Isabella and Elias. It takes all of five minutes to fall head over heels in love with this family. They lived out of town but came to OKC quite often for surgeries, chemo, scans, etc. Every time they came to OKC, Kerry stopped by my little cave to give me an update. In February of last year, we moved to Broken Arrow, only a few miles from Siciliy and Co.
Sicily went NED (No Evidence of Disease - a term that cancer families learn to LOVE) for a short while. She relapsed around the same time that Tanner started his second bout with NB. Let me tell you a few things about Sicily. She had the worst of the worst of everything you could have in terms of Wilm's Tumors - the worst kind, the worst side effects from treatment, the worst complications. However, if it weren't for the shiny little bald head she sported you would have no clue what she was dealing with. She had a spunky little spirit that was infectious. She laughed, played, got fired up and let you know all about it, and she touched lives of people that she never met. She was the best dang UNO player I have ever met. When she busted out the money card, she yelled "DRAW FOUR SISTAAAA!" On March 21st of last year, Sicily passed away at home in her mom's arms. In the very short time she spent on earth, she changed the lives of so many people. Her fighting spirit made me re-examine my outlook. No matter how bad I think my day is going or how frustrated I might be about something that isn't going my way, I know that there are people struggling with far more than I have ever faced. I knew a four year old that struggled with something worse than I could imagine and she did it without complaint. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I will say that she is my hero. Sure - I complain and I stumble. But I have a Draw 4 Uno card in a frame above the TV that reminds me to put things into perspective. Sicily's mom, Kerry, is now one of my best friends in the entire world. She is left without her little firecracker. But instead of sinking into the hurt, she continues to touch people through Sicily's journey.
Having a bad day? Take a second and think about how bad it REALLY is. Appreciate what you have, what you've accomplished and what is yet to come! Love you guys!
One night I was closing and a very friendly woman rushed to the counter to fill a prescription. The pharmacist (not Jackie) said that we should just fill it the next day because we were in the midst of shutting down shop. The customer, who I now refer to as my long lost sister Kerry, explained that her daughter had just had surgery earlier that day. She had her port put in. The little hairs on the back of my neck stood up at the word "port". The year before this my little cousin, Tanner, was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. He had been through more than I, a grown woman, could ever even imaging enduring....surgery, pain, chemo, C-dif, infections, CANCER. (We found out after Christmas that Tanner beat cancer for the 3rd time! I'll be blogging about that guy soon enough!) So when Kerry mentioned the dirty word she had my full blown attention. Her little firecracker, Sicily, had been diagnosed with Wilm's Tumors two days prior to this pharmacy visit. We filled the script, talked a little about CaringBridge, and went on our way. I couldn't stop thinking about Sicily for days and days. So, I violated every HIPPA law out there and looked up Kerry's phone number and called her. It turns out Sicily was inpatient at the hospital only a few miles from my apartment. That afternoon I made the first of many visits to see Sicily. I soon met Patrick (Sicily's dad) and her siblings - Corinthian, Isabella and Elias. It takes all of five minutes to fall head over heels in love with this family. They lived out of town but came to OKC quite often for surgeries, chemo, scans, etc. Every time they came to OKC, Kerry stopped by my little cave to give me an update. In February of last year, we moved to Broken Arrow, only a few miles from Siciliy and Co.
Sicily went NED (No Evidence of Disease - a term that cancer families learn to LOVE) for a short while. She relapsed around the same time that Tanner started his second bout with NB. Let me tell you a few things about Sicily. She had the worst of the worst of everything you could have in terms of Wilm's Tumors - the worst kind, the worst side effects from treatment, the worst complications. However, if it weren't for the shiny little bald head she sported you would have no clue what she was dealing with. She had a spunky little spirit that was infectious. She laughed, played, got fired up and let you know all about it, and she touched lives of people that she never met. She was the best dang UNO player I have ever met. When she busted out the money card, she yelled "DRAW FOUR SISTAAAA!" On March 21st of last year, Sicily passed away at home in her mom's arms. In the very short time she spent on earth, she changed the lives of so many people. Her fighting spirit made me re-examine my outlook. No matter how bad I think my day is going or how frustrated I might be about something that isn't going my way, I know that there are people struggling with far more than I have ever faced. I knew a four year old that struggled with something worse than I could imagine and she did it without complaint. At the risk of sounding cheesy, I will say that she is my hero. Sure - I complain and I stumble. But I have a Draw 4 Uno card in a frame above the TV that reminds me to put things into perspective. Sicily's mom, Kerry, is now one of my best friends in the entire world. She is left without her little firecracker. But instead of sinking into the hurt, she continues to touch people through Sicily's journey.
Having a bad day? Take a second and think about how bad it REALLY is. Appreciate what you have, what you've accomplished and what is yet to come! Love you guys!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
2010 recap
We had a pretty busy 2010. I started the sonography program at The University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center in the summer of '09. I LOVE IT! Well, let me make myself clear. I don't especially love the paper writing, test taking, busy work, not enough sleep part of it. However, I DO love clinic! I am learning so much and getting so excited to start a career that I think I might just be great in! The OU program prepares me for all fields of sonography: OB, pelvic (uterus, ovaries, cervix - oh my!), general (kidneys, livers, gallbladders, etc), Cardiac (hearts-my favorite, by far!), vascular (blood vessels from your head to your toes), and everything in between. It's so much to learn, but I really enjoy it! I have met people from all walks of life. My favorite people to scan are the lil' ones! If I can land a job at a children's hospital this summer (once I'm finally finished with school) I will be a happy, happy gal!
Jeremy is still working at Walgreens as an EXA. He works lots of long hours so that I can finish school and start a career that I love. I cannot express just how lucky I am to have Jeremy. He is so patient, loving, and he doesn't complain a bit about his long hours at a job he doesn't love! When I FINALLY finish, it's his turn! He wants to get into teaching and coaching. He's working on his alternative teaching certification right now. I can't wait until he gets to start doing something he loves, as well. In the mean time, he works - too much! In his spare time Jeremy loves hanging out with our friends, playing softball, and he's in every fantasy league available. OH - and he and a couple friends started this awesome new website. It's called Fanjoe. It's a social network kind of like Facebook, but for the sports lover. He has been working so hard on the website and they're doing a great job, so far! I am really proud of all the work he has put into it. (Here's where I plug it-->) Fanjoe.com WHERE THE FANS GO!!!
School and work aside. A big part of our life lately has been baby frustration. We want to have a whole flock of kiddos. (Jeremy would like enough to set an infield). This part of life hasn't come as easily as other things for us. I have endometriosis and getting pregnant has been an unachievable dream for me thus far. I get some pretty painful cysts and have had a couple surgeries to try to get the baby factory in working order. So far, no luck. I am on a shot right now called Lupron that basically blasts me into menopause for a while. (Which reminds me, PLEASE pray for Jeremy's sanity.) Why you ask? With the menopause-like state, comes menopause-like symptoms.....hot flashes, mood swings, insomnia, etc. Jeremy is so patient with me and just hugs me when I cry at commercials. Ha! But seriously, I cry at commercials....and tv shows, and movies...because I love the dog....I think you're starting to get the picture. I just took the first of six monthly shots. It's really not THAT bad, I am just super emo while I'm on them. I think I might dye my hair jet black and put on excessive amounts of eyeliner.
For now, our only child is Chloe Abbigail Griffin - a fat, beautiful drooling child that sleeps right in between us every night. (which probably doesn't really help the baby situation, haha). We love her more than anyone should love a dog! She's my pseudo-child for now.
I'll stop here for now, and post some pics that sum up a little of our last year.
Jeremy is still working at Walgreens as an EXA. He works lots of long hours so that I can finish school and start a career that I love. I cannot express just how lucky I am to have Jeremy. He is so patient, loving, and he doesn't complain a bit about his long hours at a job he doesn't love! When I FINALLY finish, it's his turn! He wants to get into teaching and coaching. He's working on his alternative teaching certification right now. I can't wait until he gets to start doing something he loves, as well. In the mean time, he works - too much! In his spare time Jeremy loves hanging out with our friends, playing softball, and he's in every fantasy league available. OH - and he and a couple friends started this awesome new website. It's called Fanjoe. It's a social network kind of like Facebook, but for the sports lover. He has been working so hard on the website and they're doing a great job, so far! I am really proud of all the work he has put into it. (Here's where I plug it-->) Fanjoe.com WHERE THE FANS GO!!!
School and work aside. A big part of our life lately has been baby frustration. We want to have a whole flock of kiddos. (Jeremy would like enough to set an infield). This part of life hasn't come as easily as other things for us. I have endometriosis and getting pregnant has been an unachievable dream for me thus far. I get some pretty painful cysts and have had a couple surgeries to try to get the baby factory in working order. So far, no luck. I am on a shot right now called Lupron that basically blasts me into menopause for a while. (Which reminds me, PLEASE pray for Jeremy's sanity.) Why you ask? With the menopause-like state, comes menopause-like symptoms.....hot flashes, mood swings, insomnia, etc. Jeremy is so patient with me and just hugs me when I cry at commercials. Ha! But seriously, I cry at commercials....and tv shows, and movies...because I love the dog....I think you're starting to get the picture. I just took the first of six monthly shots. It's really not THAT bad, I am just super emo while I'm on them. I think I might dye my hair jet black and put on excessive amounts of eyeliner.
For now, our only child is Chloe Abbigail Griffin - a fat, beautiful drooling child that sleeps right in between us every night. (which probably doesn't really help the baby situation, haha). We love her more than anyone should love a dog! She's my pseudo-child for now.
Keep on Keepin' On
In September we celebrated our 3rd anniversary. THIRD ANNIVERSARY! It doesn't seem like it's been three years. I feel like I just moved to Oklahoma. I can remember every minute of our wedding day like it was yesterday. Where did three years go?
When I sit back and think for a minute, so many experiences have been packed into that short three years! We have had ups and downs, excitements and disappointments, laughs and tears. I follow a few blogs posted by friends and I think this blogging thing could be fun! So, here goes nothing!!!!
When I sit back and think for a minute, so many experiences have been packed into that short three years! We have had ups and downs, excitements and disappointments, laughs and tears. I follow a few blogs posted by friends and I think this blogging thing could be fun! So, here goes nothing!!!!
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