Sunday, June 26, 2011

Pastor Craig, have you been reading my diary??

  This has been such a fun birthday weekend. Friday was my 29th birthday. So next year I'll be 28. I'm going to count backwards from here on out - I'm clinging to my 20's for dear life! I'm not buying into the "30 is the new 20" thing. At work on Friday my coworkers brought food and decorated the department with HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLI signs. Have I mentioned that I really do love the people I work with? I laugh a lot and learn a lot everyday. Well, Friday I cried during the first exam of the day out of pure frustration. I love my job, but I have a LONG way to go before I'm really good at it! I just want to snap my fingers and be a pro. This has definitely been one of the most difficult things I've ever taken on. I'm trying to be patient. Everyone at work is very encouraging so I know I'll get there eventually.  After work I met Jeremy back at home and we headed to Compadres for dinner. When we got there I was surprised to find a lot of my great friends there to celebrate my birthday with me. Jeremy is a sneaky guy. Jeremy got me a new charm for my pandora bracelet, a new bible cover, two shirts and a book that I've been wanting to read - all great gifts. On day two of birthday weekend we went to dinner and a movie with Jeremy's parents. Today I went to church and went shopping with Payton. It has just been a great weekend.

  I started this whole blog to talk about our journey to parenthood. I got the idea from my dear friend Lindsi (who by the way is moving right along in her journey, she has a bun in the oven -I couldn't be more excited for her!!) It's been a rollercoaster. I go through days/weeks of confidence and calm with the process. Then I go through days/weeks of doubt and desperation. Lately, I've been on the 100 mph downhill ride of doubt. The people I confide in are very encouraging and often say "What's supposed to happen will happen."  I genuinely appreciate the votes of confidence and sincere faith. But I can't quite wrap my head around it. I'm trying (really hard) to be confident. I pray every-single-day for the faith to accept this journey. Before, I prayed for the strength to accept His will, whatever it may be. Ever since I first watched the Sun Stand Still sermon, I have started to pray a much bolder prayer. I pray that God will give Jeremy and I the baby babies we both want so badly. Every time I dig into the Bible or listen to a sermon I pray that God will somehow help me relate this to our situation. Sometimes I feel like I'm obsessing about it. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit around all day-every day obsessing about having a baby. I'm a happy, blessed girl. I am so incredibly excited about where our life is going right now. I couldn't ask for a better husband, I love my job. We have awesome family and friends. This is just a big void in our lives.
  Today on the way to church I really prayed that God would speak to me about this. And he did, OH HE DID. The sermon was the last in the RE- series. This one was REmain. The whole basis of the sermon was about remaining connected to Christ.

     -Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.
      Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains
      in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." -John 15:4-5.

 I should be pretty evident why this struck a chord with me. I do understand that the scripture is referring to spiritual fruit. But it still began to feel like the sermon was written for me. Maybe God intended this to be a literal message for me, though. He's pretty crafty! Pastor Craig then proceeded to tell a story about a couple that was pretty much in the same place as Jeremy and me. He told us about their desperation and described his encounter with them. (**insert here - immediate tears**)  They came to him in the lobby at church and poured out their story and asked him to pray with them. Long story short, they had a baby boy less than a year later. The words in the sermon, combined with the message of hope was just the pick-me-up I needed today. I feel like if we crave God instead of other things, the other things (or lack thereof) start to hurt less and less. He promises us blessings beyond our wildest dreams. I choose to believe that a baby will be part of our many blessings. In the mean time, I'm going to try to follow instruction:
   1. Remain in God's word.
   2. Remain in Christian fellowship.
   3. Remain consistent in prayer.
   4. Remain amazed by God's creation.
   5. Remain faithful in service.

Sounds simple enough, right? I will continue to pray for the little guy(s) or gal(s) that we want in our lives.

   -If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
     -John 15:7

We appreciate the prayers from friends and family for us. I also pray that I will continue to be a branch that is firmly connected to the vine.

Love you guys, enjoy your week.

1 comment:

  1. Love you, girl!! Im praying that God blesses the socks off of you Griffins! The journey is not easy, I think God understands that. He is doing an incredible work in your lives right now, though! Keeping your head up, even on the hard days!